Pandragon Dan

Pandragon Dan

Author/Reviewer/Blogger

The Michael Bay Makeover - Trapped on Draconica

(Authors note: Due to the content of this blog, I would like to say that the following is based purely on personal opinion and is not intended to offend or be inflammatory. Take it with a pinch of salt).

 

In the world of films, there are a number of directors I have a huge respect for and admire (such as Chris Nolan, Steven Spielberg, Stanley Kubrick and Francis Ford Coppela to name a few), directors that I’m indifferent to, but still think can do some pretty good films (like Zach Snyder, Edgar Wright and Sam Rami) and also directors that I don’t especially like (Catherine Hardwick, Joel Schumacer, Eli Roth and Uwe Boll). But Michael Bay is a rare type of director for me. He is a director that I LOATHE with a passion!

(Note: I couldn't get any good pics of Mr Bay - But found this pretty good one from Wikipedia, which I think the above sums up my feelings on him).

 

I hate Michael Bay and everything he stands for! He is, in my eyes, the epitome of everything wrong with Hollywood. His movies might be big on budget and have some pretty cool CGI, but they contain bland, overly stereotypical (and sometimes downright racist and sexist) characters, terrible clichéd dialogue, snail-paced story and vomit inducing camera angles. Everything about a Michael Bay movie just screams “plastic,” pandering to every single cliché or pop culture with the only intention of bringing in money for the studios. Ok, maybe The Rock and Bad Boys were ok, but he hasn’t made a good one since in my eyes!

 

But the MAIN reason why I hate him? Because he makes a habit of destroying previous franchises when he makes a film of them. Rather than staying true to the source material, he always has to change every single thing about them and transform them into a bastardised version of what they used to be, whether he directs or produces them. Transformers, Friday the 13th, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Nightmare on Elm Street – I could go into detail as to how these versions were totally butchered versions of their original counterparts but I’d be here all day. And don’t even get me STARTED on how he plans to do the next Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film.

 

In view of this, I decided to create my own game called “The Michael Bay Makeover”. In this game (inspired by an idea by Youtube sensation LittleKuriboh), Michael Bay has decided to make a movie of Trapped on Draconica. Using what I’ve seen in previous Michael Bay movies, I’ve decided to use my own ideas of how I think my book will be adapted – or mutilated! It’s just for fun, but I don’t think what I’ve done here is too far off!

 

Now, this does require some of you to know the story of Trapped on Draconica so if you haven’t read it yet, you might want to do that first (don’t you love shameless self promotion?). Ok, here we go.

 

 

1) Ben will probably be made into an American. This I don’t have a problem with by any means I would actually accept this change. But knowing Mr Bay he will probably make Ben spill out “gangsta slang” every five seconds and become annoying and (possibly) more of a racial stereotype than Jar Jar Binks. (Yes I know Ben does talk modern slang in the book – but with Michael Bay he would probably ram this down our throats).

 

2) Daniar will probably be changed from a strong heroine to a bitchy, whiny damsel in distress that’s only job is to look pretty from the sidelines. Characters like Rana will probably be omitted completely. After all, we can’t have a strong female lead in a Michael Bay film, can we?

 

3) By contrast, Kalak will probably be made more heroic – rather than the dark anti-hero that he is.

 

4) Zarracka will probably be Gothon’s daughter and wear less clothing than she does already purely for the sake of getting more males to drool over her.

 

5) Emperor Gothon will just be an evil emperor and Mr Bay will remove his motives in the book so that he’s just your standard movie villain. What? Villains that have deep, complex characters in a Michael Bay movie? Perish the thought!

 

6) The move will be about 3 hours long and 2 hours of that will just be Kalak and Daniar trying to get laid – and Ben being an annoying prat. The story will actually not really move along until about 40 minutes left, whereby they will try and cramp in too much crap at once.

 

7) It’ll probably turn out that the dragons of Draconica are actually aliens – and no, the dragons are NOT aliens in Trapped on Draconica.

 

8) The fight scenes will be close up camera shots with quick changes and lots of slow down and speed up.

 

9) He’ll probably get Linkin Park to do a song in it. Actually, I kinda like Linkin Park so this is one change I’m happy with. Although personally I think Dream Theater would be more suited to this movie.

 

10) He’ll probably work in something whereby the Baalarian Empire will arrive on Earth and start messing crap up – just for the excuse to have the military come in and have countless explosions. By this point the story will have probably gone on such a tangent that the audience doesn’t care anymore.

 

11) It will be filmed in 3D to show off the special effects – as will my tears be in 3D as I watch my story being butchered horribly and wondering why I ever sold the rights of my book to Mr Bay.

 

 

So those are just MY ideas of what I think Michael Bay would do. And in view of that, I will NOT be selling my book rights to Michael Bay - if he ever asks me that is, which I doubt he will.

 

How do you think that Michael Bay will turn YOUR book into a film? Please let me know if you have your own Michael Bay makeover ideas. Maybe we can get a little game going!

 

Thanks for reading guys and have a Happy Easter! For those interested there is still time to take part in the Read2Review Easter competition.

 

Kinest

 

Pandragon

Facebook: LINK

Twitter: LINK

Website: LINK

Why I'm looking Forward To Game of Thrones Season 2

In just a few short days, Game of Thrones season 2 airs on our TV screens. And let me tell you I am PUMPED for this show to start! Ever since I first saw the first series of Game of Thrones (and read the first book in the series), I was instantly hooked on this program. I can honestly say it was one of my favourite new series of last year, along with Treme and Boardwalk Empire.

 

What I loved most about season 1 of Game of Thrones was how true it remained to the book. It followed the story exactly and only very rarely made changes to the plot. That is what a good adapation should be in my eye - it should be close to the original story as much as possible and not try and screw with it in any way. The world of Westeros was perfectly imagined, the casting was brilliant and I have to give praise to the child actors - they all played their roles perfectly. And I loved the armour and costume designs.

 

Now seeing as I'm on book 4 of the series, I already know what's going to happen plot wise (but I won't spoil anything). I'm just interested to see how they handle it and whether they stay as true to the second book as with the first one, seeing how in the second book the action hots up!. From the early impressions I've seen, it all looks good. The casting of all the characters looks pretty spot on - with the possible exception of Stannis Baratheon. I kinda imagined him being a much bigger and stockier guy and I'm not sure the actor they got was a perfect match. That being said, I'm not going to pre-judge anything and just gonna take it as it comes. I am, however, interested to see how they do the battle scenes - as their are some truly epic fights in the second book!

 

If I go on, I'd risk putting in spoilers, so I'll stop there. Let me just say that I have been looking forward to this show since the beginning of this year (and even since the end of season 1 last year) so I am hoping that I won't be disappointed. But seeing as it's HBO, I don't think we are in any danger.

 

Let the Clash of Kings begin on April 1st! (April 2nd for the UK).

 

 

Pandragon

Facebook: LINK

Twitter: LINK

Website: LINK

Why I Love A Song Of Ice And Fire

Even though it had been out for years before I started reading it, I first got into the Song of Ice and Fire series after hearing of the TV series Game of Thrones (which is the first book in the series). This was one of the most built up shows leading up to it’s premier (and I thought the trailers looked pretty cool - I'm a sucker for fantasy type shows in general as you know), so I decided to read the first book in preparation for it.



As a quick synopsis, A Song of Ice and Fire is a series of fantasy novels set in the world of Westeros, ruled by a king who sits on the Iron Throne. After the death of the current king, many lands battle for the throne in a war that rages across the land. Not only that, but the true heir to the Iron Throne gathers forces from across the sea - and in the North, an undead enemy not seen for many thousands of years has started to rise up in the forests.



My first impression on reading the book was “Wow! Why did I not get into this sooner?” I love this series of books as it's completely unique to any other fantasy series out there. The plot is expansive, including themes of dominance, war, greed, treason, betrayal and even incest. It's not intended for younger readers, but adults will certainly get enjoyment out of this. The story is fairly complex, but twists and turns so that you never know which way it’s going to go. And just when it looks like something is going to happen, another thing jumps in the way that totally changes the arc. This really keeps you on your toes and makes you want to read one to find what happens.



Rather than having chapters, the books sections are told from a POV of one of the characters of the story. This is a great technique as you only see that part of the story from that characters eyes - meaing that most of the time we aren’t getting the full story at first, but gradually build the pieces as they fall into place. It also means that we get to know the characters thoughts on the situation and some of the little “asides” the character has are a really nice touch.



There are lots of characters in this series, so much so that sometimes I have trouble keeping up. But the characters have interesting personalities which make them stand out from characters in other fantasy novels. There are no real heroes or villains, just people with their own motivations. Some are more noble than others, but even the the nastier characters do have a certain charm to them. As more characters are introduced, some other ones are pushed to the back, which is a shame as some of my favourites tend to get overlooked later on. But author George R.R. Martin has enough skill to make it that every character makes full use of their time on each of their respective chapters.



The books are huge (usually about 700 plus pages) and the twisting story means that this is not the sort of book that you can pick up and casually read - you have to really sit down and pay attention. Due to the many plotlines that often happen at once, I do find myself having to backtrack now and then. However, if you commit to it and give it the time of day, then I highly recommend this series. It’s a really intelligent political thriller and a definate change to the usual “swords and sorcery” fantasy. This is the sort of fantasy novel that I WISH I could write and it gives a whole new meaning to the world epic.



Currently I’m about to start book 4 A Feast for Crows, trying to catch up to book 5 A Dance With Dragons. And with two more books in the series to be released, I got a LOT of reading to do - and you know what? That suits fine with me. If I read no other book series in my lifetime, I would be happy knowing I read this one.



Oh, and in case you’re wondering - yes I do recommend the Game of Thrones TV series as well. It truely does the books justice, but it’s also an entertaining show if you just want to sit down and watch a good fantasy. And the casting is just spot on, particularly the children actors. I think my favourite is Peter Dinkage as Tyrion. He is my favourite in the book and his on screen portrayal is just entertaining to watch!

 

Final words - read this series!

 

 

Kindest

Pandragon

Facebook: LINK

Twitter: LINK

Website: LINK

 

 

A Song of Ice and Fire and all the Novels within the series were written by George R.R. Martin - and I highly recommend you check out his work!

Blog Stats

  • Total posts(327)
  • Total comments(336)

Forgot your password?