Pandragon Dan

Hey guys. Sorry for the blog going up a day late. Due to the recent problems in Denver, I decided to hold back this blog for one day. My heart and prayers go out to the families of those affected during this difficult time.

But now, as promised, I bring another Top Five for my blog. This one is slightly different than the others and actually more an experiment. Hope it works. It if doesn't - well, I'm sure you guys will let me know.

Crossover stories have interested me in some way - when two of our favourite stories or characters come together for the joy of all fans of that series. Ever since the old days of King Kong Versus Godzilla, there have been a lot of speculations and “what ifs” about different characters and stories coming together to create some kind of super story that shakes the very foundations of fandom and creates all manner of arguments. Crossover stories are quite popular (especially in the world of comics) and in fan fiction – which is littered with tons of crossover stories. Some make sense (like, for example, Spider-Man Versus Batman) but others are just plain weird. For example, I once read a fan-fiction that was a crossover between the Manga Dragonball Z – and The Diary of Anne Frank. How the hell did THAT idea ever come about?

Now, for me personally, I don’t always think crossovers are a good idea – most of the time it’s done purely for fanservice and often is wrought with plot holes and inconsistencies (don’t get me started on the DREADFUL Alien Versus Predator films! Yeah, I know those films have their fans and that's fair enough - but I personally don't like them). However, on occasion, I think that there are some crossovers that SHOULD be made – just for fun if anything else. I like the idea of two completely stories crossing over with each other and seeing how the two worlds would react once they meet.

Therefore, today’s Top Five is the Top Five Crossover/Fan Fictions I’d LOVE to read!

DISCLAIMER!

All works included here are copyright of their respective owners. I claim NO ownership in mentioning and of these and purely use them for parody purposes. Please support the official releases.

Also, I haven’t actually researched any of these ideas yet – so there is every chance some of the ideas mention could ALREADY exist. If you are a writer of parody/fanfic/etc and one of your ideas is here – I apologise and no ill will is meant. Please contact me if I have listed one of your ideas here.

Also, as this is a bit of fun, I’m sure some of my ideas may upset hardcore fans of the series mentioned. Please don’t take this seriously; it’s just a bit of fun!

Ok, now I got that out the way, let’s look at the Top Five Crossover/Fan Fictions I’d love to read.

1. Harry Potter and the Call of Cthullu

Mix of: Harry Potter and the Cthullu mythos.

The Story: Sort of a reboot of the franchise. Harry Potter thought he lived a normal life until he discovers he comes from a long line of wizards. He attends Hogwarts school and starts to learn magic.

Being crap at it, he visits the local library to try and learn some more powerful spells – discovering a hidden copy of the Necronomicon. Foolishly casting a wrong spell, Harry awakens the mighty Cthullu from his sleep. Now the Great Old One and his legion of Deep One followers begin their insane quest for dominance to enslave mankind for forty years of darkness.

It’s up to Harry and his friends to try and stop him – but Harry soon learns the dark secret of his family.

Why it would be awesome: In true Lovecraftian fashion, Harry could discover that his parents were actually Cthullu cultists and that when Harry was born, Cthullu planted his seed into Harry, which is why he was able to free him (or something convoluted like that). Even though Harry could defeat Cthullu, the memory of this causes him to go insane (as is the fate of any protagonist in a Lovecraftian story), forever crippled by this dark knowledge.

This could be a great chance to show how dark Harry Potter can REALLY be! Speaking as someone who isn't a fan of the Harry Potter books, I still can appredicate the dark undertones within it. And if you mix it with arguably the greatest horror writer of all time (in my opinion), then you got some potentional for some really messed up material.

2. Lord of the Thrones

Mix off: Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones

The Story: Many years ago, the Dark Lord Sauron forged a master ring so that he could take over the world of Westeros. Many of the Houses fell to him, including Lannister and Targaryen and swore to be his servants. But an alliance of Starks and Baratheons joined forces and helped destroy the Dark Lord Sauron. But the ring was lost.

Years later, Daenarys Stormborn (last of the Targaryen dynasty) has come across the one ring and gathers her Dothraki armies to assault Westeros. The Nazghul attack from the North, trying to break through the Wall, guarded by the Nights Watch. And the Starks are facing enemies from the Lannisters, who plan to take over the throne and prepare for the coming of the Dark Lord.

Our only hope lays in the hands of Tyrion Lannister, a quick witted dwarf that is hated by his family. He alone can save the world of Westeros and destroy the Dark Lord – or not. Because, for there are plenty of twists and turns along the way.

Why it would be awesome: It would just be exactly like the original Lord of the Rings – except with more violence, nudity and incest – which was heavily lacking in LOTR in my mind.

Actually, in all seriousness, I doubt this crossover will ever happen (officially anyway). George R R Martin has always stated his hatred of fan fiction and refuses to give permission to his characters to be used. So, in essence, I just broke that rule! (Sorry GRRM, if you’re reading this, I think you’re awesome!) So I guess this is one idea that will never happen. Never mind. Let's move on.

3. Twilight and Prejudice

Mix off: Twilight and Pride and Prejudice

The Story: (Note: I haven’t actually read Pride and Prejudice so I don’t really know what the story is. I apologise if I offend any Austen experts with this one).

Elizabeth is an attractive, witty, but rather judgemental young woman in a old fashioned British family. Then one day, a rich young man by the name of Edward Cullen moves into the nearby estate. A somewhat shy, reclusive young man, Elizabeth none the less falls for him. One problem, he just happens to be a vampire!

And so the two engage on a slow moving affair, where Edward teaches her about life as a vampire. Soon, their love grows so much that Elizabeth asks to BE a vampire as well. But Edward will not allow that. Can they possibly fight through all obstacles to prove their love? (I’ll give you a hint – yes!)

Why it would be awesome: This could be a powerful and moving story that mixes in the wit and irony of Jane Austen with... er, a vampire that sparkles in the daylight? Ok, so as you can probably guess I'm not exactly what you call a Twilight affectionardo – but I think if there ever was a perfect match of two different genres, why not this one? And hell, they once did a Pride and Prejudice with zombies – why not vampires?

Hopefully it won't suck (ooohhhh, bad puns FTW!)

4. The Hunger Wars

Mix off: The Hunger Games and Star Wars.

The Story: A long time ago, but still set in the future (don't ask me how), the Evil Galactic Empire have finally managed to subdue the Rebel Alliance after so long fighting. Their leader, Darth Vader, has declared that once a year, a boy and a girl must take part in the Hunger Wars, fighting it out to the death.

Enter Katniss Everdeen, one of the participants. Unbeknownst to the other participants (and even the Empire), Katniss is the last of the Jedi – who were supposedly wiped out during the rebellion. Katniss must now use her Jedi powers to fight off all contenders and face Darth Vader in combat. Cue plenty of over the top action and some mature violence! Oh, and plenty of people shouting "nnnnnnnooooooooooo!"

Why it would be awesome: Even though I still haven’t read The Hunger Games, I have seen a little bit of the film - and from what I saw I liked it. Katniss is a pretty kick ass heroine - so why not make her MORE kick ass by making her a Jedi? Because it is my belief you make a character a million times more badass when you make them either a Ninja or a Jedi.

Maybe there could even be a scene where Katniss puts an arrow through Jar-Jar Binks head – finally freeing us of the torture of that character! Hell, I’d read it just for that one scene!

NOTE: This next entry may contain some adult themes that might be unsuitable for younger readers. Just saying! Also this next one is probably the WIERDEST of the entry - but just hear me out.

5. 50 Shades of Greyskull

Mix off: 50 Shades of Grey and She-Ra: Princess of Power.

The Story: Frustrated by his inability to defeat She-Ra and the rebellion, Hordak plans a final plot to finally defeat his enemy. Having learned to transform himself into various machinery over the years, Hordak learns to turn his arm into (ahem) a rabbit – those who watch Sex in the City will know that I am not referring to a cuddly animal. With this, She-Ra is finally at his mercy. Or so it seems.

Not to be outdone, She-Ra learns to turn her sword into a whip to fight him off. And so the two former enemies begin a quest of discovery, involving plenty of interesting “toys” and... well you get the idea!

Meanwhile, He-Man comes to his sisters aid – only to discover that she actually doesn’t WANT any help... The story gets a little blue here so I'll stop.

Why it would be awesome: It’s a 50 Shades of Grey parody – with She-Ra! Do I even need to go on?

Ok, so this last one may upset a few She-Ran fans, but I HAD to get a 50 Shades crossover in there somehow, given that this is the ONLY book I seem to be hearing about at the moment. And seeing as She-Ra was the first fictional character I ever had a crush on, it kinda makes sense. Plus, I think it would give a whole new meaning to the term “Princess of Power!”

Yeah, so maybe this idea is a little perverted (what, from little innocent old me?) but seeing as 50 Shades of Grey is officially now THE bestselling book of all time (beating even Twilight and Harry Potter), I don’t think I can be judged too harshly. I hope.

Trivia: Did you know that 50 Shades apparently started off as Twilight fan fiction?

Anyway, those are my choices for the Top Five Crossovers, some strange, some obscure, but all I think worthy ideas. Did this experiment work? Please feel free to leave your comments below.

Right, now I'm going to sit down and write my soon-to-be-bestselling masterpiece: 50 Twilights of Harry Potter and the Hunger Game of Thrones. With a title like that I just can't lose!

Until next time. Have a great weekend folks!

Regards

Pandragon

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Last Saturday I looked at the Top Five Most Hateable Characters in A Song of Ice and Fire – so this week I’ll be looking at the most likeable characters within the series. Like I said last week, A Song of Ice and Fire doesn’t really have any heroes or villains, just people with their own motives and personalities. These are the characters that have traits which make them stand out as being some of the most honourable and likeable. They don’t have to be perfect or clean cut – just have enough interesting traits to make the audience like them as a character.

For this list, I am setting some ground rules. First of all, like last week’s Top Five THERE WILL BE HEAVY SPOILERS – at least up until A Feast for Crows, simply because I haven’t read A Dance of Dragons yet, but it is next on my list. So if you don’t want any spoilers, please look away now.

Secondly, this list is purely based on POV characters within the series that are still alive. Therefore, with regret, Eddard and Robb Stark won’t be making any appearances. Don’t get me wrong I think that they are amazing characters, but for the purpose of this list they won’t be appearing.

Ok, here we go! EDIT: Characters listed in no particular order - just the order I choose to show them.

Pandragon

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All characters in A Song of Ice and Fire are copyright of George R.R. Martin, but the above artwork are copyright of their respective owners. I claim no ownership of any of the above.

Hands down, this is my favourite book series that I am currently reading. Alongside Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, A Song of Ice and Fire is by far the best written series of recent years – not just in Fantasy, but in ANY genre. I love the expansive history, the multiple plot lines that don’t always seem significant but always impact on the story in some way. I love the medieval setting, the battles, the political deception and, most of all, the characters.

I honestly think that the characters in A Song of Ice and Fire are some of the most complex in any Fantasy I’ve read. They show that Fantasy characters don’t have to always be typical archetypes and that they can stand out and be multi-layered as much as any other character in fiction. They are amazingly complex – even the secondary and background characters seem to have a personality to make them believable. Now THAT is a skill. There are no real heroes or villains, just people with their own motivations. Of course there are characters that you love and characters that you just love to hate! And that’s why I think this series is so great.

So today, in the first of a two part Top Five, I’m looking at the top five characters that I HATE or just DESPISE. These are five characters that have something about them I just can’t stand, but I still appreciate them as characters. So let’s dive in.

SPOILER WARNING: This Top Five is VERY spoiler heavy – if you haven’t read any of the A Song of Ice and Fire series or seen the Game of Thrones TV series, you might want to check that out first before reading.

1. Theon Greyjoy

Talk about being a “Judas” of the series. Theon was Robb’s most trusted friend during the War of the Five Kings – and he stabbed his friend in the back by attacking his home of Winterfell.

In many ways, you can kinda see why Theon would want to betray them – he was taken as a child by Eddard Stark during the Greyjoy Rebellion and raised by the Stark family as a ward. Although he never really fit in with them. During the way, he went back to the Iron Islands to try and broker a deal with the Greyjoys, which they refused. Seeing how much his sister has gained a reputation as a strong soldier (and desperate to prove to his father that he is still a Greyjoy at heart), he takes Winterfell with but a few men, hoping to show his father that he is still strong. This, however, proves to be his undoing.

Theon is a character that just wants to be accepted, but he found none at either the Stark family or his own people. He is desperate to prove himself as a strong warrior and try and win his father’s affection. But this causes him to make rash decisions. What I hate most about Theon is that he is such a whinny little b**** that stamps his foot like a petulant child if he doesn’t get his way. Not only that, but when Bran and Rickon escape Winterfell, he kills two other children and burns them alive when he fails to capture them. That I think makes him pretty hateable.

Now a prisoner of the Bolton’s, it looks like Theon is reaping what he sowed. And given that the Greyjoy’s motto is We do not sow, the irony is not lost on him!

2. Viserys Targaryen

Even though he only lasted one book, that was still long enough to know how much I despised him as a character. This guy was a petty, spiteful man that would abuse his sister and even tried to sell her off in his quest to become king – you gotta admit that makes him a d***!

One of the last descendants to the Targaryen bloodline (the true kings of Westeros), along with his sister Daenerys, Viserys is determined to win back his claim to the Iron Throne. To this end he arranges a marriage of his sister (against her will) to Khal Drogo, leader of the Dothraki, who promises him 10,000 soldiers to help him take back the Iron Throne – this earns him the title of Beggar King. Even though Daenerys is not comfortable with this, he forces her to do it, completely blind to her own suffering.

Amazingly, his actions seem to have the opposite effect. Daenerys becomes accepted within the Dothraki and Khal Drogo is a gentle and loving husband to her. Over time, Viserys is practically forgotten about – and Daenarys even gains the courage to stand up to her brother. After suffering numerous humiliations, Viserys threatens to kill Dany if the Dothraki don’t honour their bargain. Khal Drogo lives up to his end of the bargain by giving him a crown – of boiling hot gold! This ends up killing him, meaning that Daenerys is now free of his tyranny – and the sole heir to the Iron Throne.

Surprisingly enough, even though Viserys was a real monster, Daenerys does attempt to reclaim her birthright as revenge for her family. So in some ways, Viserys was a kind of inspiration for Daenerys, however cruel he was. Since then, Daenerys has been gathering support in the Free Cities, freeing slaves and raising an army – along with her three dragons.

3. Vargo Hoat

Leader of the Brave Companions, who are described on Wikipedia as “a particularly unsavoury sellsword company”. Personally, I think a better way to describe them would be the “scum of the planet”. All members of the Brave Companions are sick, twisted criminals who delight in torturing people – and Vargo Hoat is no exception.

I actually laughed at first at this character, because he talks in a lisp due to a swollen tongue – but he is no joke. He will kill or even maim you just because he feels like it, even if you did nothing wrong. He also has no sense of loyalty as when Tywin Lannister pays him to burn and pillage to draw out Robb Stark, he quickly turns coat when the Bolton’s get involve and he helps them take Harrenhal.

Perhaps his most hideous act is to cut off Jamie Lannister’s hand when he is their captor. I was shocked when this scene happened. Ok, so Jamie Lannister was a completely arrogant git, but even what he went through was too much to bear. This one act alone stays with Jamie for the rest of his life and diminishes his skill with a sword somewhat. Even though Vargo does eventually meet his end at the hands of Ser Gregor Clegane (in a manner most suited to him), Jamie is forever haunted by the crippling injury that Vargo Hoat gave him. Something he can never forget.

All in all, a particularly horrible character and not one I’m likely to miss.

4. Lord Roose Bolton

I gotta be honest, there is just something about this character I find very creepy. Maybe it’s because the sigil of his house is a flayed man (which is pretty sick in and of itself), maybe it’s the fact that he takes regular leechings to improve his health (which has given him the title of Leech Lord), or maybe it’s just the fact that the Bolton’s are sick people that delight in skinning their opponents. Either way, this guy gives me the chills as much as reason to hate him.

Though he is mild mannered and never raises his voice, he is chillingly cold and calculated. Also, he seems to take great pride in his son Ramsey, even though he’s a bastard. Ironically, he is one of the Stark’s bannermen that come to Robb Stark’s aid during the War of the Five Kings. A worthy ally in many ways, after all he does make a strong blow against the Lannisters by taking Harrenhal and his son is able to retake Winterfell (only to later betray the Northmen and take it for himself).

But what makes me hate this character so much is that he is one of the conspirators of the Red Wedding – one of the most horrific events in the book series that results in the death of some of the most loved characters. Orchestrated by Lord Walder Frey as punishment for Robb Stark’s breaking of a marriage pact with them, Lord Bolton is the one to slay Robb Stark in one of the most coldest of executions possible. After this, he is granted Warden of the North by Tywin Lannister, granted a gift by the very person he was fighting against. That makes Lord Bolton one of the biggest monsters in the series – he promised to help Robb Stark and yet stabbed him in the heart afterwards.

I have to be honest though, Lord Bolton is one of the few characters in the Game of Thrones series that I don’t think was cast very well. I’m not saying the actor playing him is bad, I just don’t think he fits the description of the book. He just looks a little to thuggish and not the kind of sickly noble that he’s described in the books. I honestly think that they could have kept to his appearance a little better – but that’s just my opinion.

Certainly one of the most underrated villains in the series, Lord Bolton is a cold hearted and wicked man that is responsible for one of the most horrific events in A Song of Ice and Fire. He’s one of the few villains yet to get his comeuppance – and I really hope that he does soon.

5. King Joffrey Baratheon

I really don’t think I can begin to describe how much I HATE this character. He is possibly not only the most hateable character in A Song of Ice and Fire – but possibly one of these most hated villains in fiction, essentially the Adolf Hitler of the Fantasy world.

Born of a secret incest between his mother Cersei and her brother Jamie Lannister, Joffery has always been mothered a lot as neither his true father or his supposed father (King Robert Baratheon) ever showed him much attention. Determined to prove himself, Joffrey rose to become king after his mother arranged for her husband to be killed on a hunting trip. He quickly gained a reputation as one of the most hated kings of all of Westeros.

Even before coming king, Joffrey was plain annoying. He was just a spoilt little rich kid with a rather nasty streak – even having one of Arya Starks friends killed just because he didn’t like him. Betrothed to Sansa Stark, he did come across as a charming prince at first – but when his true colours showed.

Joffrey has a horrific streak that no other character had in A Song of Ice and Fire and seemed to get off on seeing people hurt. On becoming king, he becomes hard to control and goes wild with power, even ignoring the advice of his mother. His first act as king (in one of the most shocking moments in A Game of Thrones) is to have Eddard Stark executed even after promising Sansa mercy. During his rule, he has Sansa beaten by his Kingsguard, stripped down and even left her to be raped by an angry mob! Seriously, this boy has no morals whatsoever – yet he gets away with it as he’s king. Only Tyrion Lannister has the courage to stand up to him and even tries to save Sansa from his clutches.

Overall, Joffrey is a character that is utterly despicable. He has no redeeming features and I just wished something bad would happen to him. Thankfully, near the end of A Storm of Swords, I got my wish. And let me tell you, Joffrey’s ultimate fate is one of the most satisfying deaths of any villain ever. It’s just a pity his death ends up putting Sansa and Tyrion in trouble.

If there is one good thing I can say about Joffrey is the actor Jack Gleeson, who plays him in Game of Thrones, the TV series. Jack Gleeson is a brilliant actor that plays him with such sneering hatefulness, yet also very petulant and whinny. He got the character down perfectly (and yet ironically, Jack Gleeson is supposed to be one of the nicest people on the planet) and I honestly think that this guy is destined to go onto play some great roles in the future as he is a brilliant actor.

Hands down the most hateable character in all of the series, Joffrey is a king that the people of Westeros would soon forget. Even members of his own family consider him a worst king than the Mad King himself. He’s a great villain, but one of those characters that you just love to hate.

That’s my list. Feel free to let me know your comments as to whom YOU love to hate within the A Song of Ice and Fire series. Next well, I’ll be looking at the Top Five likeable characters within A Song of Ice and Fire.

Until next time!
 

Pandragon

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All above mentioned characters are copyright of George R R Martin. Images drawn by Amoka.

No ownership is claimed for the above.

Oh, and have I mentioned that A Song of Ice and Fire is AWESOME!